


These Days Are Long And Dean's Not Strong

by caastiiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, BRIEF MENTIONS OF SAM WINCHESTER - Freeform, Destiel - Freeform, Graphic-Ish Self-Harm, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Trigger Warnings, one-shot with a happy ending, somewhere is s09, spoilers obviously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-15
Updated: 2014-08-15
Packaged: 2018-02-13 05:36:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2138958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caastiiel/pseuds/caastiiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel stumbles across Dean in a compromising situation, and finds out he's lost his will to live.</p>
            </blockquote>





	These Days Are Long And Dean's Not Strong

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: self-harm, suicidal references, s09 spoilers, pre-story character death (and other...things), there's a kiss
> 
> I don't know why I even post up my old work I've become a far better writer now. Please be cautious while reading if you're easily triggered.

It had been a week since Dean had lost his brother and Kevin. Two valuable members of his small family that kept growing smaller and smaller:  _gone._ Other than Castiel, Dean felt as if he had no reason to stay. He was burdened with the loss. It _was_ his fault that Sammy wasn't here right now, saying something ridiculous or eating a salad...or doing whatever it was that Sam did. After all, it had been Dean who had tricked his brother into letting the angel in. And Kevin? Kevin was supposed to be Dean's responsibility. And yet he had let him die. All because of the stupid mistake he made, letting the angel in Sam and all. Nonetheless, it was another name that Dean had to add to the list of deaths he caused.

And it  _hurt_.

It hurt to know that all these people were gone.

It hurt to know that people had  _died_  because  _he_  couldn't save them.

No, because he wasn't  _good enough_  to save them.

And sometimes, turning to alcohol or knocking over things wasn't even enough for him. Sometimes, the hunter found relief in something he would use to slit someone's throat or kill a demon.

Castiel rarely visited. He ever only came to tell Dean news, which was hardly, and to make sure that Dean was eating. Castiel had always seemed busy 'fixing things' to notice that his favourite person was falling apart before him. Dean had even considered talking to Crowley to try and get him to help for his brother. But this time, the older Winchester was tired. He despised his life, himself, and the things that had happened to people around him.Dean Winchester was tired of fighting. Hell, the next apocalypse could go right on and Dean wouldn't want to have a single thing to do about it. Instead, he currently sat curled up on the couch, knife in hands and blood on his wrists.

"Dean, I think I might have found a w-" Castiel appeared roughly two meters away from Dean. He froze in his tracks. The hunter was in the middle of dragging the blade across, and the knife in his hand was now hanging in midair as he desperately tried to cover his wrist. But it was too already too late; Castiel had definitely seen.

Seen what, exactly? He didn't know.

"Dean?" Castiel questioned with worry as he turned his head to the side and took a step close towards him. Dean had his hands crossed together at his front and a nervous smile plastered on his face.

"Hey, Cas." Dean shifted nervously. Castiel had almost lost himself focusing on his greeting, but eyes widened as he remembered the blood that had caked Dean's forearm.

"Dean, are you hurt?" the man in the trench coat asked as he stepped closer to the man on the couch. Castiel held his palm out. "Can I see your hand?" He added. Some part of him knew what to expect, but not exactly. Castiel knew just exactly how much Sam and Kevin meant to Dean, but didn't think Dean would take it this far. He was human, but...

The elder Winchester simply shook his head. "Cas, I'll be alright."

"Dean." The hunter turned his face to the side to meet the eyes of the angel suddenly seated on the couch next to him. "We both know that's not quite true?"

"What?" Dean asked, scooting slightly away from Castiel. If he didn't know better, Castiel would say that he was trying to act innocent.

"Dean, we both know that you're not going to be okay." He scooted closer to Dean. "Now, give me your hand." Dean thought about it for a second.

"No." Dean replied as he shook his head.

"No?" Castiel asked, only slightly taken aback.

"No, Cas." Dean nodded.

"Okay." Cas was just going to give up like that? The angle then took two of his fingers and pressed them on Dean's forehead, and felt the consciousness leave his body. 

****

An hour, or maybe even two hours had passed. Dean had woken up to Castiel running his fingers through his hair. The feeling was so relaxing.  _Wait a second...._

 _why am I in bed?_ He though, getting up a tad bit too fast. The angel drew his hands back quickly. And _then_ Dean noticed the bandages on his wrists.  _Oh, that's why._

Castiel didn't know what to do when Dean got up. He wanted to have a serious conversation because he was scared, heck, he was worried to the pits of his  _vessel_ about Dean. Sure, the angel could have just healed Dean's doings, but what was to say that he would be there the next time? What if Dean took an attempt at his own life?

Neither of them said a word, Castiel staring at Dean's green eyes searching for answers, and Dean staring almost right through the ground to avoid Castiel's gaze.

"Dean, look at me." Cas said, taking a hand to Dean's chin to turn his face. Castiel wasn't sure what to make of Dean's eyes when they met his. He could see the thousand emotions reflected in them: sorrow, anger, envy, loss...none of which were positive. Dean was  _broken._ He had lost the shine, the small will to survive. Dean used to have that will, at least some part of it, before Sam and - 

"Look, Cas. Dammit, I know you want an apology. But you know what?" Dean's voice eventually raised up. Castiel didn't know what to say. Dean covered his mouth in his hands with tears burning on his eyes that were threatening to spill. His tone started to drop back down.

"Cas, I-I'm tired. I'm tired of losing everyone, I'm tired of being without Sam, I'm tired of fighting." Dean's voice cracked. "My whole life is a bloody version of a chick-flick movie. I didn't know how to deal with things, so... I found a way to cope Cas. It's sick, I know... but it makes me hap -"

Castiel's lips crashed onto Dean's as he took his face in his hands. People, humans on earth did this as a sign of affection. Dean was hurting. Castiel needed to show Dean he cared, and how he felt.

At first, Dean didn't know how to react. But he knew that he wanted it too. Dean just wanted something to feel, and this was making all his insides buzz with life. Dean took his bandage covered arms and tossed them around his angel's shoulders, and messed with his hair. He pulled in, forcing him to deepen his kiss. Dean smiled in the kiss and they pulled away.

"Cas." he said, the grin on his face still wide and stupid.

"Dean." Castiel nodded returning the smile. He then turned serious. "You can't leave me, Dean."

"I -," Dean started, as his face turned back into one of those almost unreadable expressions. "I had no intention of leaving you."

"You need to stop hurting yourself, Dean. It hurts me when you do this to yourself. I failed to protect you this time, don't let me again." Dean shrugged in agreement.

"Dean, just promise me you'll call me if you need me. If you leave me, I'm afraid...I'm afraid I might kill myself."

 _I'm afraid I might kill myself._ Castiel's words hit him like a blow to the stomach. Could he really bring himself to leave Cas alone? No, Cas was his family. He couldn't do this to Cas.

"Dean?" Castiel asked after Dean didn't respond for a few dragged out seconds. 

"I'll call you whenever I need you or I feel like doing this again. Just, uh, under one condition?" He asked while playing with his fingers.

"Whatever you require." Castiel replied with an edge of concern in his voice. 

"Kiss me." And the angel did. The Hunter had seemed to forget all his problems in that moment. Castiel could have sworn he had seen something light up in Dean's eyes, a will.

_Castiel had given Dean something to live for._

**Author's Note:**

> coming back to edit this later  
> sometime...soon (eventually)  
> I've given up on most of my old work ahah sorry


End file.
